Iris
by J. Marguerite
Summary: Please don't laugh at this. It's just a stupid little song fic which I'm proud of. S'just Johnny missing Devi. Like I said, don't laugh, or feel the wrath of my pencil.


A/N: Okay. I'll admit I haven't written in a while... But I just find Iris, by the Goo Goo Dolls, quite suiting. So this may seem a bit rusty. But I do love ol' 'Nny, and we all deserve to kiss the wonderful Johnen Vasquez's feet, yes we do. And, while it's in my mind, this is the first song fic I've done, so it may seem crap. But, hey, I can't be bothered to write a full-out story, okay? So lemme have my fifteen seconds of fame, and... yeah... Just read it.

Disclaimer so I don't get in trouble: Yeah... I really own the whole... Comic... Thing... And Goo Goo Dolls... Just gimme my noodles!

The brick wall between the young man's thoughts and emotions was beginning to crumble. He knew, and he didn't need the voices in his head to tell him. Johnny was human, as much as he didn't want to admit it. And with being human came with emotions- being human came with love. And for Johnny, that came the love for The One That Got Away- Devi. 

  
_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

  
Although he constantly tried to block out the heart-wrenching emotions he held for the artist, they always came rushing back. She had been the only one to ever hold a single, kind thought towards him that he knew of; the only one to ever love him back. And Johnny had ruined it all- it wasn't his fault, entirely, but he was the one who held the knife. He wished that he could just turn back time, just that tiny bit, and have their lips meet. Then, maybe, things would have turned out differently. 

  
_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now_

  
It wasn't that he wasn't trying to make up for what he did- he was almost ready to go to her door and go down on both knees, begging for her forgiveness. Yet he knew he would most likely get a kick in the forehead, and forever be humiliated. But, like most men almost sick with yearning, he would forgive her, and try once again in vain. 

  
_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life_

  
He had seen her the other day. She had taken one of her nervous ventures from her house, that dark-skinned friend of hers pushing her along. Johnny wished he was the one pushing her along. But a voice inside him told him he _was_ the one who had caused her to be almost agoraphobic. And even the just one glimpse of her mauve-hued hair, and one glimpse of her evergreen eyes was enough to set the killer's heart a-flitter. 

  
_And sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight_

  
Later that night, he had used up most of the page in his beloved journal with sketches of his love, and silly little signatures of her name, wrapped in vines and flowers, her surname changed to his own. He felt much like a hormonal teenager later, yet Johnny didn't care. He had never felt this way before, so he was going to milk it for all it was worth. 

  
_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

  
Johnny had passed her apartment soon after he had seen her. He hadn't meant to- he was just out on another one of his silent walks, his favourite drink in hand, when he realised he had made his way to her building. Looking up, he saw her window, and a wave of longing so powerful coarsed through his veins, until he literally had to grab onto the mailbox in front of him to stop himself sinking to his knees in desperation. He wanted her to peer out the window to see him, and at the same time he wanted the exact opposite. And, as he wished for her to look out, she did. Johnny could tell by the look on her face, she felt terror. 

  
_When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

  
He could only just stare at her. His Brainfreezy was long forgotten in a puddle of pale red on the concrete below him, the plastic container rolling down the road, and into the drain. His dark brown eyes stared pitifully into her bright green ones. He didn't know whether she was going to call the police, or stay where she was- or doing something entirely different. So he just watched her, unsure what to do with himself. 

  
_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies_

  
Johnny wanted to cry out in confusion. The voices in his head were yelling different commands. One saying to run up and try to kill her- get her out of her life, he didn't need her, deserve her. Another was saying to run up there, and beg for forgiveness, whilst kissing her feet. Neither of the acts would be denying what he wanted to do, but doing either of them would make him feel pathetic. So he stayed where he was, clinging to the red, hard box. 

  
_When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

  
Maybe Devi would have came down to speak to him- she seemed to be contemplating the idea, he teeth digging into her lower lip. Unfortunatley, for Johnny, his bag was slung over both his shoulders, pressed firmly into the mailbox. Devi had looked at it, her eyes filling with suspicion. Following her eyes, a wince escaped the thin man's throat. Turning quickly back up to her, his mind already knowing that she suspected a weapon, he pleaded silently for her to just come down- he didn't want to invade the privacy of her home. He _did_ have a knife in there, he tried voice with his expression and hands, yet he didn't want to use it on her- no matter what his voices tried tell him to do. 

  
_And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

  
He had rushed forward, dropping his ratty bag on the ground. Yet it was too late- Devi had turned from her window. A mix of guilt, self-pity, and failure filled Johnny's heart, twisting it deep within his chest until he thought he would just die. She wasn't going to come down. He knew it. So, turning on his heel, he picked up his bag with a sigh, and slipped it onto his shoulders. He had seen consideration in her eyes, so maybe, just maybe, she was about to forgive him. Or maybe it was his over-active imagination. 

  
_When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

  
Beginning down the slightly-empty streets, the sun setting slowly in the east horizon, the lonely murderer pursed his lips together. If he wasn't going to grab his dream girl today, there would be tomorrow. And the day after that, and the day after that, and so on. A coy smile was placed on his lips, was he turned a corner. A Cherry Doom Brainfreezy was what he needed at the time being, and curse the shopkeeper if he wouldn't co-operate.

A/N: What can I say? I'm proud of myself. And you should be proud of me, because I say so. So review, whether you liked it or not, or feel the wrath of my pencil!


End file.
